Swipe Right II (Audio Script)

Stories

It was obvious what you meant when you and your wife sent me that message on the app.

You asked if I wanted to come over and hang out tonight, but after all of our conversations earlier this week, it’s pretty clear that’s a euphemism for something else.

You’ve probably done this kind of thing before—bringing a third into the bedroom.

And from how casual our interactions have been on the app, I would guess you’ve got catching a unicorn down to a science.

I had no idea what a unicorn even was until you and Willa messaged me.

A single woman… me… willing to date a couple… you two.

God, if you only knew how much time I spent this week listening to ethical non-monogamy podcasts, reading dating blogs, and just generally trying to make sure I don’t sound like a dumbass when we meet up.

I wasn’t expecting to have to do research for these dating app experiments, but I guess that’s what this whole thing is about.

Introducing myself to something new, something I had never considered for myself before.

I’m learning, I’m growing, I’m getting good sex.

It’s all good.

I catch a reflection of myself in the window as I walk up to the front door.

I push a few stray hairs out of my face just in time for you to open the door.

“Hey, there you are.”

“Hi.

Ryan, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me.

I’m so glad you could make it. ou find the house okay?

GPS can get a little wonky up here sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah it was no problem.”

“Nice.

Well, c’mon in, let me show you around.

Willa and I were just having a drink on the patio.”

You look me up and down very quickly, almost too quick for me to notice.

I forgot how good it feels to be checked out.

My date last week was a little too polite to even look.

I follow you from the entryway into the living room.

Everything is neutral-toned.

Vintage hardwood floors… brown leather mid-century furniture.

Rattan and tropical houseplants everywhere I look.

Damn, this is a nice house.

Based on how you two live and all the sleek vacation photos on your dating profile, I’m guessing at least one of you is in tech or something.

I’m a little nervous.

I’m not sure why.

I’ve been on plenty of dates recently, but something about dating a couple… the fact that I’ll be receiving and giving twice as much attention is… I don’t know.

Exciting?

A little scary?

I just hope no jealousy or weird feelings get involved.

“Hey, babe.

Look who’s here.”

“Oh my gosh, hi!”

Willa, I’m assuming, jumps up from her patio chair and quickly closes the space between us with a warm embrace.

Her hand lingers on my back for a moment as we pull apart.

“It’s so great to meet you in person.

Here, sit down.

Ryan, can you get her a glass and grab the wine from the fridge?

I think I need a little refill, too.”

“Yeah, sure thing.

Be right back.”

I suddenly feel a little underdressed.

Like I don’t own clothes nice enough to hang out with you two.

She’s very attractive and just… so put together.

Both of you are.

I’m really wondering what drew you to me of all people.

Ah, that’s probably just nerves flaring up again.

I’m hot, I’m single, and I must have appealed to both of you, otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting on your gorgeous patio being offered wine right now.

“We’ve really been looking forward to hanging out.

I’m so glad we finally figured out a time to make it happen.”

“Yeah, yeah, me too.

It was Ryan who I was mostly talking to on the app, right?”

“Yeah, he’s the messenger.

I make him do all the scheduling and communicating.

I’m terrible at texting and that whole thing, so it’s easier if I just let him do it.”

“Yeah, I get that.

Well… I’ve been really excited about meeting you both, too.

So… yeah, I’m glad we made it work.”

You reappear in the doorway with a half-empty bottle of white wine and a stemless glass which you place in front of me.

You pour me a drink and sit down on my left with your wife on my right.

Her eyes drift over me, slowly, attentively, like she’s taking her time observing every little detail.

“Alright, here we go.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Yeah, no problem.

That’s a white we discovered out in Willamette Valley last year.

We got completely obsessed with it.

Bought enough to last a lifetime.”

“Oh, it’s incredible, you’ll love it.”

I take a sip from the glass you poured me and try not to laugh aloud.

It’s just kind of funny to me, how wildly different our lives are.

You two are just on another level.

How did I get myself into this situation?

Sitting literally in between an absurdly attractive and likely very wealthy couple who are both simultaneously eye-fucking me.

“So, I know you and Ryan got to talk a bit on the app this week, but…

I would love to hear a little bit about yourself.

What’re you into?

What got you onto the app?”

“Mmm, well, there’s not much to tell.

I work in civil engineering.

I’ve got two cats.

I’m a Gemini, and…

it sounds kind of juvenile, but… I don’t know, I’m just looking to have fun.”

“I love that.

Not juvenile at all.

Life is about feeling good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Yeah, we noticed on your profile you said you were trying to expand your horizons and learn some new things about yourself.

I love that.

It’s so important at every stage of life to take time to just… get reacquainted with yourself.”

“Right, yeah.

Well, I got out of a long-term relationship about six months ago and I realized that I had never really done the whole dating thing.

And I just felt like I might have been missing out on things or… like maybe I had denied myself the opportunity to really explore and figure out what I like.

So…

here I am.”

“And how’s it been going?

The dating stuff?”

“You know, it’s been better than I expected.

I’ve met some really great people…

definitely had some very good sex.

It’s been a learning experience, but very rewarding.”

“That’s so great.

Good for you.”

“Yeah. I guess I’d like to know the same thing about you two.

What exactly you’re looking for… What… drew you to me…?”

“Well, we—”

“There’s something—”

“You go ahead, babe.”

“No, you—okay, okay.

So, I guess we started exploring opening up our marriage about… what?

Three years ago?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“And, you know, we had endless discussions on what that would look like.