Knotted Up (Audio Script)

Stories

I’ve known you for a long time.

Fourteen years now.

Three of those as your friend.

Eleven of them as your husband.

And I’ve learned over the years how much you like to be in control.

How you thrive being a leader, a decision-maker in any situation you find yourself in.

It’s what makes you a good mom to our son, a good manager of your team at work.

You’re that person everyone comes to for advice.

You’re always getting asked, ‘How do you have time to do it all?’

The answer is that there’s never enough time for everything.

I’m the person that knows you best in the entire world.

And that means I know how bad you are at taking a break.

Sometimes I have to remind you that work can always wait, that you can’t be your best if you haven’t eaten or gotten a full-night sleep.

And when those gentle reminders don’t work, sometimes I have to be a little more… insistent.

Today’s one of those days.

We both took off work, grabbed a babysitter for the evening, and headed out in the car driving west.

An hour later and we arrived at the Pecos Springs trailhead.

It’s one of those places we always say we want to go to but never do.

Everyone talks about the view of the city from here.

All the shaded limestone cliffs and canopies of hanging Spanish moss.

It’s warm this evening, even with the sun starting its slow descent toward the horizon.

Your shoulder brushes against mine as we walk along the rocky trail.

“You’re sure you can take off the afternoon?

Weren’t you just saying the new guys need a bunch of help still?”

“Yeah, yeah, they’ll be fine without me.

I left them with some new inventory to get in the system.

Lot of busy work.”

“Ooh, it’s bright out here.

Where are my…?

Can I see the bag for a sec—oh, excuse me.

What, are you hiding something in there?”

“Mind your own business.”

“Okay, you know how I feel about surprises.”

“Oh, I’m well aware.”

“Uh-huh, so if you’re planning something—”

“You think I’m that much of a masochist?”

“Maybe.”

“I learned my lesson with the whole surprise boat party for your 30th—”

“Okay, so if you’re not planning something, then what’s in there?”

“How about you don’t worry about it?

Maybe let someone else be in control for a little bit.”

“Ugh.”

“Might be good for you.”

“Whatever.”

It makes you deeply uncomfortable to not be calling the shots.

I can see it in your face, a sudden insecurity you can’t shake.

But it’s good for you, not always knowing what’s coming next.

To be fair, you’re completely right.

I’m planning a little something… but you’ll find out all about it soon enough.

“Well, if you’re going to be weird, then I get to pick our spot.”

“Fine.

Needs to be somewhere a little private, though.”

“Mm, intriguing.

Somewhere private…”

You veer off the trail just slightly and take careful steps over a few large rocks.

The sun is bearing down on us, baking the long flat stones and the rocky soil beneath us.

You follow a barely visible path, obviously tread by many people, but unofficial in terms of the park’s marked trails.

We head down a sloped clearing towards a wall of branches.

“Whoa.”

You push through the thicket… and a massive ravine unfolds out in front of us.

Out in the distance, just barely visible against the puff of clouds, the city skyline glitters a little.

“Gorgeous.

This private enough for you?”

“Yeah.

This’ll work.”

I open the tote bag and roll out a folded-up blanket on the hard ground.

You place yourself in my lap as we sit down, stretching your legs out and draping your arms over each of my thighs.

“Mm, you were right.”

“About what?”

“I’m just calmer out here.

I haven’t touched my phone once.”

“We’ve only been here for half an hour.

But I did notice.

Good job, babe.”

“So, are you going to tell me what’s in the bag now?”

“You’re relentless.”

“I’m thorough.”

“Impatient, more like.”

“Some might call me exceptionally curious.”

I was going to wait a little longer.

Let you settle in and really get comfortable, but I can tell you’re antsy.

You know I’m up to something and you won’t relax until you know what it is.

I pull out two coils of rope and drop them into your lap.

I can feel your whole body stiffen a little at the sight of them.

And for the first time since you woke up this morning… you don’t have anything snarky to say.

“It’s… been a long time…”

“Yeah.

It has.”

You finger one of the soft threaded ends, running your hand over each black coil like the feeling of it is taking you back in time.

Probably to the many nights we spent playing around with knots back in our younger days.

I got into rope sometime in college.

I was never really serious about it.

It was always just a hobby, something to mess around with in bed.

But I got pretty good at column ties… chest harnesses...

Amateur ties led to advanced ones and… you were always a more-than-willing participant.

Those sounds you would make… the way your lip would tremble as I ran my hands over you… all wound up in my ropes.

Rope work takes a lot of time… preparation.

Getting married and having a kid has meant less time together… less energy for things like this.

Somehow it’s been… I don’t know, five, maybe six years since we last tried it.

“You’re going to force me to be still?”

“Mhm. You need to relax… and, to my memory, this is one way to get you to do it. I’m going to be in control for a little while.

And you’re not going to worry about a thing.”

You sit up and turn to face me, your mouth pressing hard against mine.

Your breath is hot and you’re taking in big breaths of air like you’re suddenly empty.

Like you need me to fill you up again.

I take the rope from your hands and slowly wind my way out from under you.

The look you’re giving me is hard to read.

Intense… a lot of anticipation in your eyes… but I can still see the ghost of a smile on your mouth.

Lips parted… eyes wide and a little glassy… this is the look I remember.

The look you used to give me so many years ago.

“Tell me what to do.”

“Lie back.”

You lean back on your elbows and your eyes skate over mine.

There’s a look of desperation in them like you’re trying very hard to be still, to not say anything.

I lean forward and pull gently at the buttons of your shirt.

You shrug out of it and start pulling down your pants.

“Ah-ah—no.

You’re always getting ahead of yourself.”

I take my time in undoing your button… and pulling your pants all the way down to your ankles.

You’re spread out before me now, completely bare on this blanket.