Exceeds Expectations (Audio Script)

Stories

Back door is locked… cash is sorted, went through receipts.

And… yeah.

I think that’s everything.

I’m so happy today is over…

Some days I feel more like a therapist than a store manager.

I’ve noticed over the last few years that there are two types of customers who come into sex toy shops.

The first type strolls in knowing exactly what they want down to size, length, color, everything.

They grab their goods and they’re in and out in less than five minutes.

The second type comes in the store looking like a deer in headlights.

Every time I ask if they need any assistance they assure me they’re fine.

Totally fine. No assistance needed.

And then, like clockwork, five, ten minutes will pass and they’ll still be wandering around aimlessly looking like they came in here by accident and can’t find their way out.

I give them one more opportunity to accept my help.

And then they start to crack.

‘Well, actually, I want my girlfriend to dominate me, but she’s been really bad at it so far.’

Or: ‘I just got broken up with and I’ve never used a vibrator before and I’m kind of freaking out.’

And: ‘My husband wants me to peg him but I have no idea what that means.’

I’ve heard it all, really.

Every sex-related issue that one person could reasonably have.

I actually feel like I could write a book one day with everything I’ve seen working in a sex-toy shop.

Let’s see… today I helped that shy lesbian couple buy their first strap-on.

I sold our largest buttplug to a guy wearing a suit worth more than my car.

And I answered a million questions from giggling university students who, no surprise, left without buying anything.

All in all, an extremely typical day as the assistant manager of the largest sex toy shop on the west coast.

It’s crazy to think back to three years ago when I was desperate for a job, just moved to the city, saddled with a crippling amount of student debt.

Never in a million years would I have thought I’d work at a sex shop, but… it kind of worked out.

I’m still here, still loving it, honestly.

Kind of toying with the idea of opening up my own shop one day.

Of course, I still have all that crippling student debt, but along with it, I’ve also got a reputation and a small name for myself in the sex ed world.

What’s…?

Ooh, a package just arrived for me at home.

Oh, yes! It’s probably that new dildo HoneyLoving asked me to review.

I cannot wait to see what this thing actually looks like in person.

I still can’t believe I get paid to try out sex toys.

I’ve really got to thank my boss for hooking me up with this side gig.

It’s good cash, makes me happy, makes you happy as my always-willing girlfriend.

It’s kind of a dream come true.

Nearly home, nearly home…

And hopefully, maybe, if I’m lucky, you’re around and… you’re… maybe free to assist me try this thing out…

“Hey.

It’s me.”

“Hi, babe.

In here!”

“Hi.”

“Hi.

You got a package.”

“I was so hoping you would say that.”

“It’s over there on the couch.”

“Oh my god, this thing…

This is wild.”

“What is it?

What’d you get?”

“Um… it’s… a gift.

For both of us.”

“Why do I feel like you’re leaving out some very important detail?”

“I’m not.

It’s just, uh… yeah.”

I hold it up to show you.

It’s purple, like sex toys always are.

One end looks like a typical dildo, six inches of long smooth silicone curved up in a slight arc.

The other end is a bulb-shaped g-spot stimulator, intended to go inside the wearer and hold the dildo in place.

In other words, a strapless strap-on.

“Whoa.”

“Yeah.

Have you ever…?”

“No, no, I have not.

I mean, not one with two ends, obviously.”

“I’m writing a review for this one for HoneyLoving’s blog.

So, that means I’m going to need to try it out.

You know, for research.”

“Research, right.

Wow, you, uh, sure know how to get a girl going.”

“I can be a bit more formal if you want.

Babe, please accept this invitation from me to you, for an evening of fucking featuring the brand new Strapless Strap-On.”

“Hmmm.

Who’s going to be doing the fucking?”

“Well, we just might have to take turns.

You know, so that I can write an accurate… detailed… review…”

“Mmm. I accept your invitation.

On the condition that I get to fuck you first.”

“Yeah?

And why is that?”

“How about because I say so?”

“Meet me in the bedroom.”

I open the box and take the toy out.

It’s heavy.

Not as thick as our usual strap, but I’m honestly okay with that since we’ll technically both be on the receiving end at the same time.

Just going to give this a quick wash…

I slip down the hall and into the bedroom.

And there you are.

Lying across our bed.

You’ve kicked off your shoes and your feet are dangling over the edge.

You’re smiling up at me, just a little, holding your head in your palm and your hair spilling across your face.

You make it so easy to love you.

“Get over here.”

You hold your hand out and I immediately obey, handing over the toy and sitting on my knees in front of you.

You get this look when you’re turned on and feeling bossy.

Your eyes narrow and your jaw becomes this tight hard edge.

Everything you do seems slowed down like the air around you is thick and heavy.

“So… you brought me a new toy to play with.”

“Yeah…”

“And you want me to fuck you with it.”

“Y-yes.”

“It’s just a little too easy.

You asking for it… and me giving it to you.

I think I’d rather make you work for it.”

“I’ll do anything you tell me to do.”

“I know you will, baby.

Take off your clothes and lie down.”

“Aw, you remembered my favorite position.

Face down.

Ass up.”

“I… I want to please you.”

“You’re feeling very sweet today, aren’t you?

Well, if you really want to please me, then I want you to do something special for me.”

You lean over me and push the window behind our bed open.

“I want you to be quiet while I fuck you.

I know it’ll be hard because you can get so noisy, but I think it’ll be good for you to show a little… discipline.”

“Baby…”

“If you’re too loud, then our neighbors are going to hear you.