Your Hot Roommate (Audio Script)

Stories

Oh, the big entran—

Hey, what’s wrong?

Yeah? Of course, I remember. You’ve been looking forward to this since you saw the announcement, and he definitely got some gold stars for getting tickets for your next date.

Oh shit.

Are you serious? You should be leaving in like… right now.

I’m so sorry.

Somehow, canceling on you at—let me see your phone?

The literal last minute. Unreal. And actually, worse than standing you up, I think. What a… soggy pancake.

Thank you, thank you. I’m here to entertain, of course.

I’m pretty proud of myself for that one.

Not that he is worthy of my excellent insult game, if I do say so myself.

But seriously, you look incredible. He’s missing out, and I’m sorry.

Does he have the tickets, or do you?

Damn, I was going to suggest we go, but it’s been sold out for months. Wow, what a… well, yeah. He sucks.

Hey! I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I get dressed up and we can make a night of it?

We can go somewhere and—

No, that makes sense. You don’t want to go anywhere.

Well, we definitely don’t need to go out. Let’s get dressed up and stay in. We can order from that new pizza place, my treat.

But really, we both live here and my big plans tonight were basically just… well, this. It’s not a big deal. I promise.

You can sulk if you want… or you can join me and forget about that guy.

Yeah. A little music, some greasy pizza… it’ll be great.

Now, should I go get snazzy? Or if you want you can change into PJs and just chill?

I mean, you look stunning, but that’s just you on the daily.

Huh, I see that little smile there. It’s working, isn’t it? A little?

Sweats or that dress… it doesn’t really matter to me.

It does look like you went all out though. Not that he deserves it.

I mean the dress, the shoes. The makeup… you even did that thing with your eyeliner, it’s like winged cats or something?

Oh, it’s not winged cats, is it? Just wings? Where did I get the cats?

Okay, doesn’t matter. You go get changed and I’ll call in our order.

With olives, of course. Not that I can condone eating those abominations.

But for you, I’ll make the sacrifice.

We’ve lived together long enough for me to know your pizza order. I pay attention, you know!

I always pay attention to you. How could I not?

Ah, okay. Here we go…

Of course, I saved you a seat, c’mon into the blanket nest.

Oh wow…

No, not a bad wow.

I just wasn’t expecting…

well, you’re wearing a t-shirt but you still look like…

I guess I’m just surprised is all.

Are you comfy?

That’s what matters.

We’re settling in for a pizza night extravaganza.

Makes sense. If I spent that long on anything, I’d want to make it last. Glam cozy it is then!

I’m sorry tonight was such a bust though. Are you okay?

Of course, you’re confused.

It’s like… your fifth date or something? Why would he bail? It just doesn’t make any sense

Absolutely. Told you, soggy pancake. Wanna talk about it?

You’re right, it’s a waste of time and a huge blow to the confidence. I know you’re strong as hell but it still sucks. I’m sorry. You definitely don’t deserve that.

How do I know?

Haven’t I told you about the time I got stood up by the same woman twice in one night?

Oh god, how have you missed out on this one?

Okay, here goes…

We were supposed to meet at seven at that sushi spot downtown…

Yeah, that one! It takes forever to get reservations there and I wanted to make an impression.

Got there fifteen minutes early and ended up waiting for over an hour before finally leaving. I decided to grab myself a pity dessert from the all-night coffee shop around the corner.

Mhm, of course, I got a cinnamon roll.

It was pretty busy so I waited a while. I was already feeling a little moody by the time I made it up to the counter to order and I was not prepared when I made eye contact with the woman waiting at the other end for her coffee…

Especially since she’d not shown up for dinner.

I know! Who goes to the shop around the corner after standing up a date?!

I know. It was absurd and kind of ballsy of her, looking back on it.

But anyways, I waited as casually as I could for my dessert but on my way to the door, she intercepted me.

It was so awkward. She tried to apologize and asked me if I wanted to get a table at the café.

I wasn’t fussed so I said sure and… and when I turned around to look for an open seat, she darted out the door behind me with a super confused-looking guy trailing after her.

Oh I know, it’s wild. Like why wouldn’t she just admit she was with another guy?

She probably double-booked herself for date night and just thought… I have no idea.

But yeah… it was crazy, twice in one night. That belongs on a 90s sitcom or something.

Speaking of, you wanna watch one?

Of course, we can.

You grab the remote… and I’ll start some popcorn. Pizza’s going to be about forty more minutes. We can almost finish an episode before it comes.

I can’t tell her now… no way.

She’s heartbroken.

But… her face did light up when she noticed I was home.

Maybe it’s the perfect time. But either way, here goes nothing…

I’ve got snacks!

Of course I’m back. I, unlike some people who shall not be named, would never stand you up… and not just because I live here too.

I’m lowkey still furious he stood you up. Even though I’m glad to have you home.

It’s the principle of it, you know? You communicate so well, even when it’s just texting. You’re thoughtful, and clear. And you never leave people til the last minute.

Yeah, but it’s not just that. You’re so thoughtful, you know? You notice everything and make sure that the people around you feel cared for and supportive.

You’re so giving and sweet, and it sucks that someone who isn’t even worth your time has wasted so much of it.

You’re a details kinda person, and it’s such a rare thing.

It is not your fault. Please don’t say that. It’s on him if he couldn’t get it together.

If he couldn’t see the great thing in front of him and make the time, then that’s very much a him problem, because there is nothing wrong with you.

Well it’s not just me being sweet, it’s the truth. You’re amazing, and any man would be lucky to have you in their life.

I mean, I know I’m glad you’re in mine.

Of course, I mean it. And you mean a lot to me.

Well, I mean, yeah, a lot, but like…

why are you looking at me like that?

It’s more that just, well… you see, you’re an amazing friend and you’re such an incredible person and—

No, you’re not wrong. I…

I do, yeah. I do… like you.

Shit, I know. I’m sorry. This is so awkward and the timing couldn’t be worse but I can’t lie and say that it’s fine after he stood you up and I’d have given anything to be in his shoes tonight—

Why didn’t I tell you sooner?

That’s your first question?

Well you were kind of seeing that guy, and we live together… it seemed, I don’t know, almost irresponsible to say anything.

I didn’t want to make things awkward. I didn’t want you to feel any differently about me.

We’re good friends, and better roommates. I never want you to feel obligated and I worried telling you might make it super uncomfortable. This is your home, I didn’t want—

What do you mean “but what if it wasn’t”?

But what if it doesn’t work out?

Yeah, I guess we’d figure out pretty fast if it wasn’t going how we wanted. But look, you’ve had a bit of a wobbly evening already, do you want to maybe wait to have this conversation for another time?

Hey, I’ll have you know if there’s anyone who’s got awful timing, it’s definitely me, but if there’s anyone who’s worth waiting for… it’s you.

Really? You… feel the same way.

I can’t believe this night.

If you wanna talk about it now, then yeah… yeah, I’d like to see where it could go, but only when you’re ready, and only if you’re sure.

Well if you say you’re ready now, then…

If now was the time then I wouldn’t waste any of it.

Yes, even when your T-shirt’s big enough to hide the entire popcorn bowl…

Can I have some of that, by the way? These confessionals make a man a little peckish.

I really like you in those big T-shirts though and, if you mean that, then maybe later it’ll be my T-shirt.

What? No… okay, maybe I blushed a little, but come on, my heart’s pounding over here.

Okay, fair question, but I’m pretty much the only one answering questions around here.

So I’m asking you instead, have you thought about it? About us…

Oh, so you mean… if we were like this… how we’re on the couch now?

Mhm, I can definitely see that being a great way to spend a night.

Yes, I did say a night… a whole night.

Well, there’s only one way to find out…

Now that you’re closer, just like you described… is this it?

I can really see those cute freckles across your shoulder… with your shirt hanging that way… while we’re so close, and your eyes… the way they light up when you’re happy or excited… like right now…

There are definitely advantages to us sitting like this, like how I can hold you… like this. You fit so perfectly against me.

Hm, you’re right. This is fun, and with pizza coming, it’s really shaping up to be a night to remember.